If I knew then what I know now...

If I knew then what I know now…I would not be the person I am. Thank God for the gift of time. Life is a collection of experiences that mold and shape us into the person we are. Sometimes as a parent we want to protect our children from those experiences, any of them, that hurt. The ones that hurt the ego or wound the spirit, even if only temporarily. We want to protect our youngin’ and keep them safe under our wing. We guard them furiously if anyone ruffles their feathers. I think the magic of being a good parent is to be there to shape the lesson. It starts early in the toddler years. When another child takes your child’s toy; you want to go take it back and give it back to your child. It would be faster that way... and much, much easier. But what would your child learn? That their parent is there to fix it. That is nice and comforting but it only works right then, with that situation. What happens when they are in the school yard and you are not there. Based on the biblical quote “give a man a fish feed him for a day, teach a man to fish feed him for a lifetime” You must teach your child at every moment possible. You must shape the moment. “Did that make you sad when he took your toy?” “Let’s go tell him that and ask for it back” That works well at age 2 but at age 8 and 18 they need different tools. That’s why parenting is an ongoing process. Each age comes with it new situations that need shaping. As the years go by a parent would be foolish to think that they will hold the monopoly on shaping their experiences. As we allow our children to experience more of life, they reach out to friends, teachers, music groups, TV, other family members and complete strangers. The key to it is to maintain a trusting relationship with your child so you still "get to be in the loop". Keep in mind your child is not living life on a “track” that will replay your life experiences. They will be different. Your experiences will only give you an opportunity to shape an experience the way YOU see it. Guess what…That may not be as accurate as you think! Try to step back, put your own feelings and belief system aside and hear your children. They may possibly have a valuable lesson to teach you. If any life lesson has a solid foundation in trust and honesty it adds to the shaping of the soul. Terri